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15 June 2010 @ 11:56 pm
Maybe actually sleeping in tomorrow will help my heart recover a little  
Club put me in 7th row SS again.

After writing to Alice-chan so many times that I was truly happy just to be able to watch over her until the end... I had a difficult time controlling the waterworks today. By the time it was over I was very much on the verge of "need to just curl up in a ball and sob for awhile", those aching-from-the-bottom-of-your-heart kinds of tears.

Just like BaraAme last year, it's my favorite happifying things that *shouldn't* make me cry that end up breaking me down.

It's Kacha whenever she shows her bright, smiling face onstage.

It's Tomochin / Dai-chan / Kai-chan and their hapless navy dude antics.

It's Kaji-chan and her bursting life energy.

And Josiah, Josiah, Josiah ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

My lowest moment was during the revue prologue. Everyone's "Solar Power", my love for the troupe itself kind of destroyed me. I think Ecchan might have even seen me, and her smiles are some of the brightest and most cheerful of the lot and I was still kind of inconsolable.

Pathetic, huh.

It's possible I was in Dai-chan's line of sight for a bit of the otokoyaku dance... And in trying to catch rockette!Kaji-chan I think I accidentally grabbed Kurumin's attention. *wry smile*

But Ten-chan definitely saw me. I'd like to think she saw me from the staircase, like in Hakataza, and that kiss she blew was for me (it's part of the choreography, so all the otokoyaku do it, but still).

In any case I got her / she got me during the parade. There was a lot of eyebrow-raising and eye-scrunching from her, and I was just clapping along and mouthing the lyrics and otherwise probably had a ridiculous wibbly smile on my face because I felt like I was actually dying on the inside.

That's not all, though.

Alice-chan looked at us.

("Us" because there were at least three other people with Alice tickets in the row.)

After my first adventure in the 7th row I tried to write something about how we NEVER get fanservice from Alice-chan; it's just not something she or musumeyaku in general do... I mean, I was in the 3rd row four times in Hakataza and despite hearing that Alice-chan saw me she didn't show it much.

But just briefly, two weeks ago -- god, was it already that long ago? -- just for a couple of moments in the chuuzume and finale, I felt... connected to onstage!Alice-chan. And that was amazing.

This time, near the end of the chuuzume she REALLY looked at us. Not "I think I caught her eye", no, it was "I am looking at you all sitting there in my seito seats." Her smile, her big energetic revue smile was for US.

That was why by the time it got to Ten-chan I thought my heart would give out completely and I would actually die.

The person sitting to my right was O-san, as it happens -- the elderly lady Lucia knows who's been having Alice-chan and Kacha around for dinner since they were ken-1 or 2.

It felt significant that I finally got to talk to her properly, but at the same time I was still messed up on the inside and ended up sobbing a little in the bathroom.

I don't have a good way to end this post. It's six days until Daigekijou raku.
 
 
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
 
 
 
Tellychan: alicesailortelevator on June 15th, 2010 03:21 pm (UTC)
Just reading this is making my heart ache. This love that we feel is so strange. It gives so much joy, and so much... aching. I don't wanna call it "sadness" exactly, but still a certain pain in the heart, because there's just too much love to feel. I'm so happy for you. So, so happy. You deserve a thousand smiles from Alicesan, and everybody else. It's truly wonderful of your club to give you such great seats, it shows they know how much you love her.

It is pretty annoying when they don't give fanservice though isn't it? Keichan doesn't either, or atleast not very often. And a part of me wants to scream "LOOK AT ME", but the few times I have caught her eye it's like an explosion inside my chest, so it's probably best to leave it like that. (^___~)
Becca: Micchan and Tacchin in The Second Lifemuffin_song on June 15th, 2010 06:36 pm (UTC)
For all that this really hurts, I'm also really glad that you're able to have an experience where you get to love your girl so much right up until the end <3
A fascination frantic in a ruin that's romantic: Ayane-chan Gubijin 捧げてshirabyoshi on June 15th, 2010 06:57 pm (UTC)
Musumeyaku don't do fanservice. >nods<

... And then the curtains go up on their last stages and suddenly they're glowing at us and singing to us and just letting us know they know we're there. I wonder if it's to thank us, at the end, for everything that has gone before. Or because they've never tried it and they want to have a go before they leave. Or because everything's special in the last stage and they want to connect with the people they know can also feel how special it is and how little time remains.

Your post took me back painfully, beautifully to those last days before Ayane-chan's Mura raku. And then raku itself, and how kind she was to me and how completely I failed to deserve it. I wish for your sake that Mura raku would never come, but I'm still looking forward to your stories about Arisu-chan on that day and how much more you will love her then than you've ever loved her before.

P..S. And I forgot to say -- how IS O-san? Email me?

Edited at 2010-06-15 07:09 pm (UTC)
Es ist Zeit zu Leben.: Mizu & Tonami // in the shadows.violet_tango on June 15th, 2010 07:12 pm (UTC)
I tried to start writing a proper comment for this three times, and failed each time.

Smiles and glances are so much more important than fanservice.
Fanservice might be a nice thing, but smiles and glances are so much more precious, and mean so much more in my opinion. These smiles can warm ones heart for eternity and these glances, especially if one knows they were meant only for oneself, you will treasure for all times.

I'm so happy to read what you write about your kumi. I can't really put it in words, I just know a lot of that feeling so well, and know that it make ones heart explode into thousand little heart-shaped pieces and happiness will rain down on you in sparcles.
3peanuts3peanuts on June 15th, 2010 09:13 pm (UTC)
Aw! This kind of post kills me. You should put up a disclaimer next time!
(I'm being silly, I know...but I'm not good at managing strong "love" emotions *gentle smile*)
Julie: alice katherine shoulderswao_wao on June 16th, 2010 03:21 am (UTC)
Sorry, I'm way to moody to bother with disclaimers. People should just know by now ;P

♥ ♥ ♥
3peanuts3peanuts on June 16th, 2010 03:29 pm (UTC)
I can't speak for "people", but as far as I am concerned I do understand eh eh, I was just being my usual grizzly bear self...after all there must be a reason if I am often compared to Scrooge :p :p
gummicalgummical on June 16th, 2010 10:18 am (UTC)
I'm so glad that you have felt really connected with her in her last show, and that she was looking at you &hearts .

It's so great that your club are giving you these kinds of seats as well &hearts