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27 December 2008 @ 07:00 pm
It was really hard for me to write this post.  
So I'm pretty sure -- I certainly hope -- that the newest discussion topic, "let's all prove that we're NOT too emotionally involved and upset by things", was not specifically aimed at anyone or meant to make them feel bad. It's quite enough to be feeling gloomy about retirements, without feeling bad for feeling bad on top of that.

Yes, I am one of those people who likes to be the first to report news and cries out in a loud voice and gets caught up in the drama of the moment. But in the end they don't all affect me in the same way, and I don't really cry over everyone, and it doesn't ruin my life or anything.

When I wrote letters to the six wonderful people retiring today, I tried my best to express my thanks to each of them for adding their own color and light to Soragumi, and my fervent wish that they all find happiness in whatever they do from here on...

But that doesn't mean I could completely hide the regret that they're leaving my beloved troupe. It doesn't mean I didn't get misty-eyed writing to them, or that I didn't shed tears typing that last paragraph just now.

...I don't even know how to finish this post properly.

I know they're all happy. For god's sake, I heard them all (minus Kiyao-chan) say so in interviews. I would be devastated if I felt they were leaving because they weren't happy.

But I'm going to miss them. I'm going to miss those faces in the foreground and background of Soragumi performances. Natsu and Ayu and Tacchin and Kimi-kun and Kasshii and Kiyao-chan. I'm going to miss them even if they show up on other stages or in other people's blogs.

It's senshuuraku. I'm allowed to be at least a little sad.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Our Heroine aka Jenn: [minicombi]kyttenfae on December 27th, 2008 10:45 am (UTC)
*hugs muchly* I am with you 100%. I'm an emotional person (well, at least I am as an adult, I wasn't allowed to be growing up), but that doesn't mean all emotions are the same. I always get a little misty about retirements just because I'm like that (I cry at emotional moments in tv shows and movies and books, too, even if I'd rather not most of the time, lol), at least if I knew who they were and liked them... but then there's having an emotional attachment to the girls who are leaving, like all of this bunch, and that's different, and you have every right in the world to feel the way you do without feeling worse about it. <33333333333
Es ist Zeit zu Leben.: Asako & Mihoko // Comfort.violet_tango on December 27th, 2008 12:30 pm (UTC)
It's definitely everyones own decision, or rather own emotions.
I think the best is to just express what your heart tells you, and not too judge anyone on the way they suffer of these things.
Not everyone is mourning about retirments the same way, but no matter what, I think we should try to be there for others when they need a place to cry, and to speak about their loss.

At the moment I am dealing well with the fact that Tonami is retiring.
What I will have real problems with is the fact that my combi is splitting up. When seeing the show for the last time, I will either cry like a baby or be cold and silently sad, I don't know yet. But I know it will hurt like hell.

Being sad about retirements is after all more about ourselves than about them. We don't need to feel bad for them, not at all. But it's a feeling of them parting from us, and not being a facette anymore of a wonderful theater we love. And that's what makes it so hard.

Don't feel bad for feeling bad. <3
Your unbelievable love for you kumi was originally what encouraged me to learn more about mine, and that was the best thing I ever did. Seriously. <3
quinquin: shii pandaquinquin on December 27th, 2008 12:49 pm (UTC)
I hope that the current discussions is more a way to look at our personal and collective "drama queens" and make sure that they don't take over from our real emotions than a way to try and set rules and standards for "proper" reactions.

We are all different and deal with emotional things differently. Around here some are visible and all caps, some go hide in a corner and some go on as if nothing special is happening. There are no right or wrong way. Please don't feel guilty for how you react and for writing about it.
(Deleted comment)
ruderal_speciesruderal_species on December 27th, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
I think it's interesting that you saw something in the recent discussion that was judgmental. To me, it was the opposite. It seems like there's a culture here where you're *supposed* to be upset about every single retirement, and it was interesting to see some people go, "I'm not crushed every single time, and now i know that others are the same way and that that's okay." I guess I took the discussion more as "Let's be honest about how we actually feel and how our feelings evolve as we're involved in this fandom."
ceteranna: open mindceteranna on December 27th, 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)
Once again, Gen says it first and better than me.

Of course it's natural to be sad. I didn't see anyone disputing that for a moment. And I think it was exactly the opposite of "let's all prove that we're NOT too emotionally involved and upset by things". The whole point, as I took it, was a continuation of the general discussion about how we should all STOP trying to prove things, to ourselves or to each other.

(And quinquin. I ditto what she said too about the whole discussion being partly about self-examination, and a general tendency to embrace drama-queening at the cost of maturity or even emotional honesty. There's enough melodrama onstage Takarazuka; when it spreads to LJ, it's just exhausting, and personally it's my least favorite part of the fandom.)
kalen9 on December 27th, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)
Well, besides the culture of "you're supposed to be upset" there's also the "no one is ever supposed to leave" corollary. Both of those things bother me.
I don't think "you're not supposed to be sad" is what anyone was saying, though.