Club put me in 7th row SS again.

After writing to Alice-chan so many times that I was truly happy just to be able to watch over her until the end... I had a difficult time controlling the waterworks today. By the time it was over I was very much on the verge of "need to just curl up in a ball and sob for awhile", those aching-from-the-bottom-of-your-heart kinds of tears.

Just like BaraAme last year, it's my favorite happifying things that *shouldn't* make me cry that end up breaking me down.

It's Kacha whenever she shows her bright, smiling face onstage.

It's Tomochin / Dai-chan / Kai-chan and their hapless navy dude antics.

It's Kaji-chan and her bursting life energy.

And Josiah, Josiah, Josiah ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

My lowest moment was during the revue prologue. Everyone's "Solar Power", my love for the troupe itself kind of destroyed me. I think Ecchan might have even seen me, and her smiles are some of the brightest and most cheerful of the lot and I was still kind of inconsolable.

Pathetic, huh.

It's possible I was in Dai-chan's line of sight for a bit of the otokoyaku dance... And in trying to catch rockette!Kaji-chan I think I accidentally grabbed Kurumin's attention. *wry smile*

But Ten-chan definitely saw me. I'd like to think she saw me from the staircase, like in Hakataza, and that kiss she blew was for me (it's part of the choreography, so all the otokoyaku do it, but still).

In any case I got her / she got me during the parade. There was a lot of eyebrow-raising and eye-scrunching from her, and I was just clapping along and mouthing the lyrics and otherwise probably had a ridiculous wibbly smile on my face because I felt like I was actually dying on the inside.

That's not all, though.

Alice-chan looked at us.

("Us" because there were at least three other people with Alice tickets in the row.)

After my first adventure in the 7th row I tried to write something about how we NEVER get fanservice from Alice-chan; it's just not something she or musumeyaku in general do... I mean, I was in the 3rd row four times in Hakataza and despite hearing that Alice-chan saw me she didn't show it much.

But just briefly, two weeks ago -- god, was it already that long ago? -- just for a couple of moments in the chuuzume and finale, I felt... connected to onstage!Alice-chan. And that was amazing.

This time, near the end of the chuuzume she REALLY looked at us. Not "I think I caught her eye", no, it was "I am looking at you all sitting there in my seito seats." Her smile, her big energetic revue smile was for US.

That was why by the time it got to Ten-chan I thought my heart would give out completely and I would actually die.

The person sitting to my right was O-san, as it happens -- the elderly lady Lucia knows who's been having Alice-chan and Kacha around for dinner since they were ken-1 or 2.

It felt significant that I finally got to talk to her properly, but at the same time I was still messed up on the inside and ended up sobbing a little in the bathroom.

I don't have a good way to end this post. It's six days until Daigekijou raku.