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28 August 2010 @ 11:18 pm
The End of the Waterworks?  
Four nights ago I dreamed I was at Alice-chan's wedding. She was far away and I didn't get to talk to her at all, but I remember crying lots of happy tears. Re-re was among the guests and when she saw me she said "ah! It's you!" -- in my dream she recognized me because in real life I was on a train with her on Monday.

Three nights ago I dreamed that a handful of roles came out for For Whom, and Alice-chan was among those announced. I laughed and said bitterly, "they've forgotten she's retired."

Two nights ago I teared up when I came across the letter I got from Chiko-chan back in February. It seems like forever ago now.

Yesterday I felt overwhelmed by the kindness of people I've come to know here, but I didn't cry.

Today I cried all through "Sabrina"; the story is just so beautiful and Ran-chan is so wonderful that I cry every time.

Also, I realized it was the last time I'd be sitting in Daigekijou B-seki until who knows when.

Tonight was Ran-chan's ochakai and she was simply so radiant and sweet, it was like being wrapped in a fluffy pink cloud of lovely, lovely musumeyaku-ness. I was full of good feeling and didn't cry at all, although I was shaking a little when I gave her my letter at the end. I'm not sure that I said anything I'd meant to.

F.M-san came with me, and afterward she admitted that she won't be able to come to my farewell party so it was the last time I'd get to see her. (As an aside there were seriously about 10 people at the ochakai who were former Alice Club, members of other 88th clubs, or at the very least people I've seen somewhere before. Including H-san who, as she'd informed us beforehand, was helping out as staff.)

Anyway F.M-san and I spent a little extra time in a restaurant right before it closed, reminiscing and talking about girls we like and joking about joining other clubs. She gave me a goodbye present. When we parted at the train station, she kept standing at the ticket gates and waving until we couldn't see each other anymore.

I'm so burnt out I don't think I can even cry any more tears.
 
 
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Mori Shimonu: with a splash of blue royaltyflower_ballet on August 28th, 2010 04:30 pm (UTC)
For some reason, this post made me feel really warm inside. I think it's because... even though it's full of tears, it's also full of all the happiness you've experienced while in Japan. I'm glad I could get to see those moments in glimpses from afar.
Julie: alice pinkwao_wao on August 29th, 2010 11:13 am (UTC)
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Thank you, you're very sweet. I hope I have time to share more, albeit belatedly, once I'm on the other side of the ocean!!
michiru42: Wao and Hana: Recuerdemichiru42 on August 28th, 2010 04:51 pm (UTC)
I agree with flower ballet. All these experiences you've had...finding something to feel so strongly about is amazing and wonderful, even with the burnout and pain now. I feel lucky to get to read about it.
Julie: alice ayane heartwao_wao on August 29th, 2010 11:15 am (UTC)
finding something to feel so strongly about is amazing and wonderful

It's true. I'm glad that other people know this too, and find some measure of happiness in reading my journal -- I'm very happy and honored in return. ^_____^ ♥ ♥ ♥
lljie_kuen1982lljie_kuen1982 on August 28th, 2010 09:29 pm (UTC)
Hi there, I've just been reading your journal for the past few months but first time commenting. I'm sorry for your lost and eventual parting from Japan, and there's nothing I can really say to dull that kind of pain. But for what it's worth, you've given me (as a reader) two or more years worth of history that can only be captured by someone who was actually there and experienced the Takarazuka phenomenon first-hand--the bad times and good times. Your experience is irreplaceable and the entries you've made to this journal are irreplaceable, and I'm truly honored and grateful that you've shared it. Your angel is intelligent, beautiful and can look forward to her own future regardless of where it takes her and I wish her and you the very best. Take care:-).
Julie: alice pinkwao_wao on August 29th, 2010 11:07 am (UTC)
Gosh, why do people keep coming out of the woodwork to say such amazingly sweet things ;________; ♥ ♥ ♥ Thank you so much for your words and well-wishes. It's really encouraging to know that people are cheering for me, and Alice-chan as well :D ♥
Ms. Britt: [daixalice]ladybretagne on August 28th, 2010 10:42 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you for sharing all of this, darling. On a purely selfish level, I'm glad to be able to know how you're doing, but it means a lot to be able to go through this whole thing vicariously through you.
Julie: solar powerwao_wao on August 29th, 2010 11:11 am (UTC)
*hugshugs* ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ I may be on the upswing now, finally? After several breakdowns today, which I was too burnt-out to post >.>;;; Anyway, it touches me to know that everybody cares to read my angst and live through this with me.
Ms. Brittladybretagne on August 29th, 2010 05:02 pm (UTC)
We're your friends, sweetheart! That's what we're here for. ♥ ♥ ♥