Log in

No account? Create an account
21 September 2010 @ 12:00 am
Summary translations  
Okay, I waited until midnight before posting again :P

So, those summary translations. They're about as good as I can get them without outside opinions, so I thought I'd ask people's thoughts before putting these on the Wiki.

Studio 54

Set at "Studio 54", a discothèque in New York that captivated celebrities all over the world from the latter half of the 1970s to the 1980s. A musical production about a runaway papparazzo following a scandal and his target, an up-and-coming actress, who connect with each other after a certain incident. Holy Ashley is a freelance journalist who supplies "scoop" photos and gossip articles to tabloids and evening magazines. One night, a party is held at Studio 54 celebrating the release of rock star Z-Boy's new album. Holy gets an exclusive story on the up-and-coming actress Giselle Morgan, who is rumored to be Z-Boy's lover. But Z-Boy's agency interferes with the article being published. Holy needs money -- to give back to the orphanage where he was raised. Desperate, he chases after the pair and gets involved in an incident...

* I know, I know, "Holy Ashley" XDDD I couldn't help myself, that's what I thought when I saw ホーリー・アシュレイ. I mean, Cate said "Holly" but I think that would be ホリー, so... Hoary Ashley? ^^;;; Alternative romanization suggestions welcome.

Dancing Heroes

A dance performance by Moon Troupe's younger members, led by Kiryuu Sonoka. Young people who become heroes through dancing. A two-part composition -- the omnibus "Heroes" making the story of dancing dreams a reality, and various styles of dance in the dancing show time "Dancing!" A stage production overflowing with youthful vigor, honed bodies and unquestionable artistic skill.

Ai no Prelude

Set in the port town of Santa Monica -- the pure love story of a man who pulls away for the sake of those he loves, and chooses to walk down various paths. Freddie Clark once worked taking jobs from those who were troubled in life and solving their problems, but now lives as a free-willed gangster. He receives a request from an acquaintance to follow and guard a certain woman. The woman is Kathy Lauren, the pretty but not-yet-mature daughter of a company president. Freddie thinks it sounds dull, but is lured in by the large sum of money and takes the job. The gangster and the company president's brat spend lively days together until they are involved in an incident. The task of protecting and escorting an annoying pest becomes that of a bodyguard... Freddie fights to settle the incident, but...

Le Paradis!!

A mature revue with the themes of "splendor", "dreams" and "time". Paris holds the slightly bittersweet image that "life" is only for a moment; a splendorous dream. This production is composed of scenes related to the color and scent of every part of Paris, capturing its charm through a modern eye.

Ugh, especially that last one took FOREVER and is still such a mess. And someone, please tell me what to do with DH's "honed bodies" x___x
Current Mood: productiveproductive
Proactively Untwist Octagonal Hippopotamus Pants: takarazuka - mii-chan oledramaturgca on September 21st, 2010 07:22 am (UTC)
It's an odd translation, but could it be Harry or Haley?

Mirio's going to be Z-Boy, isn't she? Even though Morie or Magee would be AWESOME.
Julie: kazu thinkwao_wao on September 21st, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
No. I don't see any concievable way ホーリー could be construed as "Harry". It's undoubtedly an 'o' sound.

But yes, it seems almost 100% certain that Mirio will be the rock star. ^_^;;
Proactively Untwist Octagonal Hippopotamus Pants: takarazuka - wao phantomdramaturgca on September 21st, 2010 06:31 pm (UTC)
It's just that Holy seems so implausible.

FIe. It's not that I don't like Mirio, it's just that I like other people better.
Julie: alice meg smirkwao_wao on September 22nd, 2010 02:52 am (UTC)
Implausible? Ha! It's Zuka! After all, what could be worse than a man named "Joy"? I'm telling myself "Holy Ashley" is a trade name ;P ...But still holding off on uploading it to the Wiki. Waiting for more opinions that seem to not be coming... :X
Jencaithion on September 22nd, 2010 05:28 am (UTC)
Speaking of opinions not coming (*cough*), did you still want me to wait for your weigh-in on the TIP issue?

And, to save from plastering your post with comments, how about "highly trained bodies"? It's a little different from the Japanese, but not so much that the meaning is lost, I think.
michiru42: Wao and Hana: Kiss to the Flamesmichiru42 on September 21st, 2010 04:24 pm (UTC)
A "free-willed gangster". Hmm, that could mean...so many things...
Julie: alice katherine writewao_wao on September 21st, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
Well if it leaves you questioning, it could be my translation at fault. The summary says 気ままな which basically means "he does whatever he wants", "follows his whims", something like that. "Freewheeling" didn't seem to sound as good, "whimsical" has a different meaning now, etc... Ah, word choice, it is my constant foe.
inbuninbuinbuninbu on September 22nd, 2010 01:59 am (UTC)
Almost like a "loose cannon" but then maybe that sounds too "explosive" X__X
Julie: kazu thinkwao_wao on September 22nd, 2010 02:49 am (UTC)
And "a loose cannon" is a noun that I would have to add to the already-existing noun of "gangster", so :S
inbuninbuinbuninbu on September 22nd, 2010 03:30 am (UTC)
Yeah loose cannon ganster doesn't work, it is too noun-tastic for English to cope with. I like the way you have it, I think it captures the implications of 気まま - a character who is unfettered and willful and gets/does things his own way.
Jen: Bowie - Hmmm....caithion on September 22nd, 2010 05:21 am (UTC)
I love playing thesaurus! *grin*

rachpenarachpena on September 21st, 2010 10:06 pm (UTC)
Santa Monica a port town? It's on the coast but port town??
Julie: alice meg wtfwao_wao on September 22nd, 2010 02:44 am (UTC)
Uh... I double-checked to see if it was my word choice but nope, it pretty clearly says "port town" in the summary ^^;;;
inbuninbuinbuninbu on September 22nd, 2010 03:31 am (UTC)
The summary could easily be wrong! I highly doubt the writer of the play has ever been to Santa Monica for a visit....This is fantasy after all!
inbuninbuinbuninbu on September 22nd, 2010 02:03 am (UTC)
What was the original Japanese for "a man who pulls away"? - it's just that "pulls away" sounds a little weird to me, the meaning is slightly unclear in this context to me.

I thought the last one was fine, it read very nicely! What about it did you think was still a mess? My only comment is to change "Paris holds...an image" I can't immediately think of an alternative to "holds" but I don't think you'd normally use holds + image as a pair in English though correct me if I'm wrong.

Oh and I rather like "honed bodies" It's funny (and just a tad naughty-sounding!) LOL What was it originally? Nice work! You've done a stellar job, so much better than if I even tried *looks downcast* The prose flows very nicely and sounds suitably Takarazuka-esque, redolent of dreams and sparkle! <3
Julie: alice samantha glarewao_wao on September 22nd, 2010 02:42 am (UTC)
Oh gosh I could kiss you, even if you're comment-stalking me ;P You're the only person who's asked in-depth questions indicating what's confusing in these translations!

What was the original Japanese for "a man who pulls away"?

That was THE PHRASE, the final knot that I couldn't quite untie >___<;;; The original says 愛する者のために身を引き -- 身を引く seems to mean "withdraw", "remove oneself", "retire" etc. But withdraw from what, pull away from what? Does it mean he has a hidden past, or that he leaves Kathy at the end of the show? The summary doesn't say, so I couldn't add an appropriate noun to fill in the blank ;________; It's... I... I'm at the edge of my mental capacity trying to figure it out *throws up hands*

"holds an image" = Would "has an image" be more appropriate? The reason I see that summary as a mess is because I essentially took one run-on sentence, hacked it into pieces and then glued it back together in meaningful parts :\

"honed bodies" = It's funny and naughty-sounding which is why I shied away from it in an official Wiki translation >_< The original says 鍛え上げられた肢体... I don't know, "highly-trained"? There doesn't seem to be a way to get around the suggestive-sounding "bodies"...
inbuninbuinbuninbu on September 22nd, 2010 03:28 am (UTC)
Well the wonderful Jim Breen's dictionary has 身を引く as recede, retire, draw away, draw back. Two of the 例文 use examples where the person is backing out of a job or contract for some reason....How about "draws back for the sake of the people he loves"? Like you say, it's not clear why or what from so it's not perfect but...

My teachers always used to advise leaving it vague if the original is similarly vague, if you can create the same effect in English. I guess it's a mystery until you've seen the show!

I think "Paris has an image..." would be the correct phrasing but it doesn't sound that great, "has" is somehow too plain, too unadorned for Takarazuka don't you think!? Looking at words with a similar meaning in the thesaurus we have: "bear, carry, possess, harbour, maintain, retain" - even "embrace" is listed there! Take your pick I guess, it can be a bit flowery if you want or else keep it simple with "have" if you want - interpretive licence right??

鍛え上げられた肢体 is tricksy! Doesn't 肢体 literally imply "limbs!!? Even in Japanese that sounds like a bit of a weird word to use. It's literally highly-trained limbs/bodies but that is not great either....I can't come up with anything better though. Often even the official Hankyu translations come across sounding really weird or dodge though so if there's one funny bit I doubt it will matter much. If it says highly-skilled limbs then it might have to be translated as just that! Lol

starbuck98starbuck98 on September 26th, 2010 02:00 am (UTC)
this is too fun! reading your summary n the suggestions ... wish i could contribute.
thx much to all for the effort so that the non-japanese speakers like moi can benefit from your translations. otsukaresamadeshita!